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Tactics of domestic violence and Hampden County resources

For those ending abusive marriages by divorce or those fleeing relationships with abusive partners, the period immediately following the split is the most dangerous time. Below are some tactics abusers use on their victims to reel them back in out of a fear of losing control.

When domestic violence victims finally summon the gumption to leave their abusive partners, the abusers realize what they are losing and employ five typical strategies to entice their way back in to their homes and lives.

The Honeymoon Syndrome

Sometimes referred to as "Hearts and Flowers," abusers employ this tactic with promises of therapy, bribes and flattery to get their victims to lower their guards. The abused partner is so grateful for kindness and affection, they cave in.

Revival Syndrome

The only time some abusers get religion is when their victims have had enough and bail on the violence and dysfunction. When their whole world is suddenly gone, they turn to God, and church becomes their haven.

Super Parent Syndrome

This one can really tug at the heartstrings, especially as innocent children are manipulated by lots of attention and affection. This is especially cruel if the abusers have been harsh or neglectful in the past.

Counseling Syndrome

This is the big gun they break out to simultaneously lure their victim back while doubling down on control out of a fear of losing their spouse. Couples counseling with the abuser beside the victim insisting the problem is shared only increases the victim's vulnerability.

Sobriety Syndrome

Some batterers lay the blame for their abusive behavior on alcohol or drugs, which may certainly exacerbate the problem. Substance abuse usually is only a symptom of deeper, underlying problems that needs to be addressed. Encourage them to pursue their sobriety in rehab to learn healthier coping skills.

Buy Outs

Especially popular among abusers with fat wallets, they purchase expensive baubles and high-end luxury gifts for their victims to buy their way out of the violence. But safety and well-being has no price tag.

Residents of Hampden County have resources available to them to combat domestic violence. Reach out to the agencies below and make the call that could save your life.

New Beginnings (Westfield) 413-562-1920

Womanshelter (Holyoke) 413-536-1628

YWCA/ARCH (Springfield) 413-733-7100

Source: An Abuse, Rape, and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection, "Massachusetts: Domestic Violence Resources" Aug. 01, 2014

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